


Wingman

by Python07



Category: Daddy's Home 2, The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unadulterated Crack, modern crossover fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 21:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12780078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: takes place right after the end of Daddy's Home 2 -- Kurt thought that all Don needed was a wingman.





	Wingman

“Kurt, you promised.”

Kurt glanced at the perfectly innocuous door. Sounds of music and laughter poured from the other side. He just growled and planted his feet.

Don took Kurt’s arm. He stuck his bottom lip out. His voice was utterly earnest. “You were the one who said I need a wingman.”

Kurt grunted.

“You said you were the best,” Don wheedled.

Kurt grunted again.

“Las Vegas was your idea.” Don swept a hand out in the door’s general direction. He gave wide puppy eyes. “And this is a New Year’s Eve party.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. How the hell did a seventy-two year old man learn to pout like that? “Yeah, to get you a woman,” he rumbled. 

Don’s face fell. “Does it really matter?” He stared at the ground and started to let go. “I told you. I loved Brad’s mother but women have never really done it for me.”

Kurt grabbed Don’s hand before he could let go. He pressed Don’s fingers down to keep them closed about his bicep. “I know,” he said quickly. He sighed heavily. “I still don’t know why you chose to come out to me.”

Don was still staring at the ground. “Because I thought you wouldn’t care.”

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “I don’t actually,” he admitted. He shrugged. “It doesn’t really change anything.” He chuckled. “It’ll probably be easier. Most men think with their dicks anyway.”

Don blushed. He glanced at Kurt and quickly dropped his eyes again. “It’s a little too soon to be thinking about that,” he stammered.

“It’s never too soon to think about that.” Kurt laughed and nudged him. “Hey, look at me. We can forget about this and go back to the casino if you want.”

“No. I have to get out more. I know that.” Don hesitated but looked up. He gave a small smile. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“That’s what a wingman is for.” Kurt tugged Don towards the door. “Come on. Let’s get you a fella.” He stuck a hand up and wrinkled his nose. “And, if you get laid, I don’t want any details.”

Don shifted his feet. “Stop that. I’m nervous enough.”

The door suddenly opened by a young man with long black hair. He beamed at them. “Happy New Year! I was wondering how long you two were going to loiter out there. It’s good to see you, Don.”

Don’s nervousness evaporated with the young man’s good cheer. He squeezed Kurt’s arm. “Louis, this is my friend Kurt.”

Louis giggled. “The famous Kurt. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He held a hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

Kurt eyed Louis’ hand for a moment before he shook hands. “Yeah,” he let out gruffly. “Nice to meet you too.”

A blonde woman appeared at Louis’ shoulder. “It’s freezing out there. Let them in.”

“Of course.” Louis stepped to the side. “Don, you know Anne. Kurt, this is my partner Anne.”

Don let go of Kurt’s arm to step inside and Kurt didn’t notice the lack. Really. That would be gay. And he wasn’t gay.

Louis took their coats while Kurt looked Anne up and down in appreciation. “Partner?” Kurt asked.

One end of Anne’s mouth quirked up. “Personally and professionally,” she replied easily.

“I don’t see a ring.”

Louis put an arm around her. He smiled that innocent smile again. “That’s because we have a third. Constance is floating around here somewhere.”

Kurt blinked at him. This man looking at everything with an irritating childlike glee and enthusiasm had two women. It was mind boggling.

Anne shooed them into the main part of the house. “Go on. Mingle.”

Kurt leaned in close to Don’s ear. “Did you know he has two women?”

“Yes,” Don answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “They call themselves a triad. They just celebrated their ten year anniversary.”

Kurt blew out a long breath. “I hate to admit this,” he muttered. “But I’m impressed.”

“Don!” a voice called.

Kurt nodded. “Go on. I just need a minute.”

Don waved. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Kurt gave Don a little shove. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay, then.” Don started across the room. He threw his arms out. “Constance!”

Kurt took a moment to take in his surroundings, a large house filled with people and Christmas decorations. The tree was almost as big as the one they had at the cabin and there was no cell phone tower attached to it. He smirked to himself. Brad wasn’t as bad as he thought but the man was going to get himself killed.

Kurt took in the clusters of people. Most of them seemed comfortable together, leaning into each other’s space and laughing. His eyes found the one man who was off against a wall, by himself, keeping watch.

Kurt wandered over to him. He saw the way the man held himself, the sharp blue eyes, and the scar on his cheek. “Army?”

The man smirked. “Marines.”

Kurt pointed to himself. “Astronaut.”

“Good for you,” the man drawled.

Kurt laughed and held his hand out. “Kurt.”

The man shook Kurt’s hand. He had a firm handshake. “Jean.”

Kurt nodded towards the party. “This doesn’t seem to be your scene, Jean,” he said casually.

Jean smiled ruefully. “It isn’t. I’d rather be having a pint with my boys.”

“Then why are you here?” Kurt pointed at Don. “He dragged me here. I’m supposed to be his wingman.”

Jean’s eyes lit up. “I don’t like it when people get handsy with my husband. Armand is Louis’ godfather and Louis throws a fit if he doesn’t at least put in an appearance at these parties.”

Kurt followed Jean’s gaze to a tall, lean man, with a ridiculous head of silver curls, standing by the Christmas tree and chatting with Louis. He said the first thing that came to mind. “He’s got a great head of hair.” He ran a hand through his own mane. “Not as good as mine.”

Jean snorted. “Come on. You’re second best.”

“A close second.”

Jean snickered. “Fine. A close second.” He tilted his head towards Don. “He seems to be getting on well.”

Kurt watched Don laugh. “Yeah,” he agreed, almost subdued.

Jean never took his eyes off Armand. “You don’t seem too happy about it,” he observed dryly.

Kurt rubbed the back of his neck. He opened his mouth before thinking. “I’m a little out of my depth here. I brought him to Vegas to help him get a woman only to find out that he doesn’t want one.”

“So, help him get what he does want. The principle’s the same.”

“I know,” Kurt allowed. “I know that. I really do. It’s just that…”

At that moment, a drunk woman plastered herself against Armand’s back. She had a terrible dye job, obvious even in soft Christmas lighting. She wore a dress at least twenty years out of fashion. He squirmed and she tried to nuzzle the back of his neck.

“One of these days, I’m gonna kill that bitch,” Jean growled and stalked over there.

Kurt followed to get a closer look at the show. He found a spot next to Don. “What is going on?” he murmured.

She abruptly let go of Armand when Jean got to within a step of them. “I was only playing,” she slurred.

“The hell you were,” Jean snarled.

“Jean, it’s okay,” Armand tried.

Don took Kurt’s arm again. He leaned in close to Kurt’s ear but kept his head angled to see the drama. He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Well, that’s Louis’ mother Marie. She loves to throw herself at Armand. She won’t accept the fact that he’s gay.”

Louis stepped between his mother and Armand and Jean. “Mother, please. 

Armand stepped in front of Jean. He licked his lips and lowered his voice. “Let’s go home.”

Kurt ignored the hot breath on his neck. He saw Jean’s eyes flash in hunger. “See. I told you men are easy,” he whispered back.

Don was riveted on Louis and Marie. “Oh, stop. This is better than a soap opera.”

Louis tried to gently take Marie’s arm. “I think you’ve had enough for one night. Come. I’ll help you up to your room.”

Marie screeched. “I’ll say when I’ve had enough!”

Armand managed to say a good night to Anne before Jean dragged him out the door.

Louis bit his bottom lip. “Mother, you’re making a scene.”

Marie slapped Louis’ face. “Don’t you dare speak to me that way.”

Kurt winced. “Oh, that had to hurt.”

Don frowned in sympathy.

Anne appeared at Marie’s side. A lovely brunette appeared on the other. They both took one of her arms.

“That’s Constance,” Don supplied.

Kurt whistled. “Two hot women. He must be the size of a horse.”

Don just gave Kurt a brief look before he turned his attention back to the drama. They watched Anne and Constance march Marie upstairs. Marie screeched and cried but the two younger women ignored her.

Louis forced a bright smile. “I’m sorry for the unpleasantness everyone. Please, let’s get back to the party.”

Kurt looked around. “So, anyone catch your fancy?”

Don smiled wryly. “Not really. Can we go back to the hotel?”

“Are you sure?”

Don’s face was flushed. “I’ve had enough excitement.”

They said goodbye to Louis and made their way to the door. Don never let go of Kurt’s arm. “Can we cuddle tonight?” Don asked quietly, almost timidly.

Kurt opened the door. His voice was gruff but without an edge. “Yeah, we can cuddle.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really have no idea where this came from. I got home from the movie and just had to write it.


End file.
